May 2013
whisperingtoghosts:
“Lily, take Harry and go! It’s him! Go! Run! I’ll hold him off!”
HE WAS WANDLESS AND TWENTY ONE YEARS OLD UP AGAINST THE BIGGEST EVIL HE AND SO MANY OTHERS HAD EVER CONCEIVED OF DON’T YOU EVER FUCKING MENTION IN FRONT OF ME HE NEVER REALLY LOVED LILY I WILL DISEMBOWEL YOU
“I bet if we dusted her heart for fingerprints, we’d only find yours.”
– Rudy Francisco (via aurelle)
If Cartoon Characters Were In College
laugh-addict:
“As a child I never heard one woman say to me, “I love my body.” Not my mother,...”
– Kate Winslet (via wrists)
squareclocks:
kushroom:
so you’re saying I can win 5 iphones every day??? and all I have to do is give my credit card number on this website I’ve never heard about??? well slam me in my tender butthole sir you’ve just got yourself a deal
Slam me in my tender butthole
I think I’ve just found my new favorite phrase.
“I don’t miss you, but I remember you. You taught a lesson and for that I give...”
– Atmosphere, The Number None (via 13thmoon)
thernardier:
“you wanna see my breasts” i say seductively to my boyfriend. i unbutton my shirt to reveal two large, succulent cuts of meat. i am a chicken. why do i have a boyfriend. why am i wearing clothes
“Yeah, but nah.” - Australians. All of them.
watchtheskytonight:
geekchicbooks:
missbibliophile:
Isn’t it weird how you would say ‘on’ if you’re talking about a tv show and ‘in’ if it was a movie?
like “she was on Doctor Who”
“she was in The Avengers”
I never even thought about this before.
we are becoming aware
hiddle-stoned:
I love how Harry just accepts that he’s a wizard, goes with a mysterious giant, walks through a brick wall to a hidden street to buy fucking magic equipment, but the one thing he can’t believe is that there’s a Platform 9 and three quarters.
“1. There will be several days that you daydream about stepping in front of a...”
– (via pale-afternoon)
tommarvolohiddles:
mandatoryupgrades:
Anyone who thinks Shakespeare is boring apparently missed the greatest stage direction ever written:
I want that to be the final line of my biography.
let’s not forget about this gem from macbeth
Capricorn: wow you pissed me off so I'm going to sulk in silence and snap if spoken to
Aquarius: YOU MADE ME UPSET IT'S THE END OF THE WORLD /melts into a dramatic heap
Pisces: I'M GONNA FUCKING THROW THINGS. LIKE THE BIGGEST TANTRUM. YOU HAVE -EVER- SEEN.
Aries: WOW I'M SO MAD for like a second. What's for dinner?
Taurus: BRB SMASHING HEADLONG THROUGH A WALL TO KILL YOU
Gemini: Oh, I'm not mad. Wait. YES I FUCKING AM. Okay maybe not. BUT THEN AGAIN--
Cancer: ...oh. I'm angry. But you'll never know. Tillit'stoolate. Cookie?
Leo: /INDISCERNIBLE NOISES OF RAGE
Virgo: how could you do this to me. how. HOW??? Get out of my life. No wait baby come back...
Libra: Passively plotting your demise.
Scorpio: This'll only sting for a second. Unlike my wounds which'll bleed FOREVER and you'll never hear the end of it. WHIIIINE
Sagittarius: I have to leave before I kill someone. Bye!
thats-slightly-raven:
I’m watching Hell’s Kitchen and I can’t stop laughing because Gordon Ramsay just called this girl a fucking biscuit then threw a piece of salmon at her and for the past 7 minutes she’s just been stood there looking at him like this
i am the uneven drawstring on the hoodie of life
roselastrider:
I wore this to school today???/?yeah pretty cute but then after school when I was doing my chores my parents started calling me frauline and I was confused as to why but then I realized
smh
rabioheab:
one time i ate so many kiwi’s that my tongue started to bleed and no one will buy me kiwi’s anymore
